Tori Talks: Hey, It's Okay If You're 'Quiet'

Hello Internet Beauties, 

Today's post is a little different to my recent beauty posts, but one I hope to be making much more regular and into a new series on my blog. If I had to catergorize it, I suppose it would fall under the 'lifestyle' bracket, but in summary, they will be short posts (or maybe long because I waffle!) about things that are important to me. I know I'm only twenty three years young, but I thought it may be interesting to share some thoughts of things I've come to learn that would have helped me when I was younger...

The other day I was clearing out some things when I came across my old school reports that my parents must have kept. I instantly opened them to take a look, as I love feeling nostalgic! They were mainly high school reports, but also a couple of super old primary school ones, dating back to nursery. I couldn't help but notice that in all of these reports, despite my good grades and being 'well behaved' in class, every single one had something along the lines of 'Victoria is a great student but needs to speak up more in class'. I always remember being told at numerous parents evenings that I was a good student, but again, it was 'a shame' that I was 'quiet', 'shy' and/or needed to put my 'hand up more' in class. 

Back then, I thought maybe I was shy, maybe I should contribute more, speak up more, it made me feel bad. I can understand that teachers can be genuinely concerned for those they deem to be 'shy' if they feel it's due to low confidence, low self-esteem and maybe need that boost to reach their potential. At first, especially in primary school, I was shy and I think there's times in our lives when we all are, but when I reached 16/17/18 years old in Sixth Form, I was so sick of being told to speak up more. I wasn't shy then - I would enjoy giving presentations when I had to in lessons and also had a hobby of Latin American and Ballroom dancing, which involved performing and competing in front of large crowds. Surely this showed I was doing what I enjoyed, that even though I was 'quiet', this wasn't stopping me from doing things?

So why was it still perceived so negatively that I was ''quiet''? I simply preferred to be a listener, to really absorb all the information and listen to others' viewpoints. 

This didn't change in social groups either, turning 18, pretty much the majority in my year loved big parties and going out clubbing in big groups. The first year of university for most was mainly based on the 'uni life' experience. Again, this wasn't something I particularly enjoyed, I can't explain why because I don't know, I just preferred spending time with a smaller group of close friends just hanging out or visiting places, doing fun activities, trying new things etc. Now don't get me wrong, I did go to parties that I enjoyed but I was never into it the way most my peers were. This was so tough because I would feel so much pressure all the time and being in the minority, it felt this was again perceived negatively that I often didn't go. It was seen as being 'unsociable' or 'boring' or that I lacked confidence to go 'out out'. It was, and still is at times, incredibly frustrating. 

Then, a couple of years ago, through a friend who was very similar to me, I discovered the Myers Briggs Personality Types. I completed the test which is aimed to tell you more about the type of person you are and it made SO much sense. I'd heard of the word introvert before, but never really understood the full meaning - if you look it up on Google, the first definition is 'a shy person'. But this isn't the case - it just means I enjoy and need time on my own to recharge, as well as spending time with others. I prefer having a group of small but really close friends, rather than being in large crowds. I learn and take things in from observing and thinking. 

Alongside meeting other introverts (which are less common than extroverts), understanding my personality more and just time alongisde growing up - I've come to absolutely love and appreciate the way I am, even if others see it as 'quiet' or 'shy' with negative connotations. I know that when I want to and when it matters, I can and will speak up. But it also means I'm the one that people come to when they need someone to listen, which I really appreciate being trusted for. 

In short - just embrace you, not what others think is you. I was actually made to feel less confident about myself by being negatively called 'quiet' than I had been before someone brought it to my attention! If you speak up when you want to and when it matters to you and you work hard, it shouldn't matter how loud you are about it. You know yourself and your strengths, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. It's far more than okay to be 'quiet'! 

I really encourage you all to try the Myers Briggs test, it's so interesting, the one I found quickest and easiest to complete was here.
I am an INFP and I would love absolutely love to hear what personality types my fellow bloggers are! Let me know what type you are and if you feel it's accurate below! 

Are there any other topics you'd life me to include in this new series? Feel free to drop me an email or comment :)